A client describes a decision, and you immediately think of what you would have done differently. That first impression can arrive before you have heard the circumstances, the competing priorities or the meaning the decision holds for the person making it. In coaching, noticing that reaction gives you a chance to pause and ask a more useful question.
Curiosity before judgment means making room to understand before settling on an explanation. It is a practice of listening carefully, asking open questions and treating your first interpretation as something to examine. The client remains the person who explains their experience and chooses what to do next.
Notice the story you are adding
People often describe events in a few sentences. Those sentences cannot contain every detail, yet a listener can quickly fill in the gaps. A missed deadline may sound like a lack of commitment. A delayed decision may look like avoidance. Either impression could overlook information that changes the conversation.
Before responding, ask yourself what the client actually said and what you inferred. You might have heard that they postponed a conversation. You may have added the explanation that they were afraid. Keeping those two parts separate helps you ask about their experience without presenting your interpretation as a fact.
You do not need to eliminate every opinion to listen well. Start by noticing the opinion and allowing space for another explanation.
Ask about the decision in the client’s words
A question such as “What led you to that choice?” invites the person to describe their thinking. “What were you hoping would happen?” can help them examine the intention behind an action. Ask one question at a time, then leave room for the answer.
Pay attention to the assumptions inside your questions. “Why did you avoid dealing with it?” assumes avoidance before the client has explained. “What was happening for you when you decided to wait?” leaves more room for their account. The difference matters because the wording can quietly steer the answer.
Tone and timing matter too. An open question can still sound like a challenge if it follows an impatient interruption. Give the client time to finish, reflect what you heard and check whether you understood it correctly.
Let new information change your understanding
Imagine a hypothetical client who has delayed applying for a promotion. A coach might initially interpret that delay as a confidence issue. Asking about the decision could reveal concerns about working hours, family responsibilities or whether the role fits the client’s priorities.
Each explanation opens a different conversation. The client may want to examine confidence, gather information about the position or decide that another opportunity would fit better. A coach who holds the first interpretation loosely can respond to what the client actually brings.
Curiosity does not guarantee that every conversation will become easy or that someone will share more than they wish to. It creates an invitation to explain. Respect the client’s choice about what they discuss and how deeply they explore it.
Offer observations with room for correction
Understanding first still leaves room for a thoughtful observation. If you notice a pattern in what the client has said, ask permission to share it. Describe the specific words or events you noticed, then invite the client to consider whether the observation fits.
For example: “You have mentioned wanting more time for this project, and you have also described taking on two new commitments. Would it be useful to explore how those fit together?” This gives the client something concrete to examine without assigning a motive or deciding the answer for them.
Be willing to hear that your observation missed something. A correction provides information that can make the conversation more accurate. The purpose is to support the client’s reflection, rather than defend your interpretation.
Keep ownership with the client
After exploring the situation, ask what the client sees more clearly and what they want to do with that understanding. They may choose an action, ask for more information or take time to consider a decision. Help them make the next step specific enough to evaluate in their own circumstances.
Avoid turning curiosity into a route toward the answer you already prefer. If every question leads toward your chosen solution, the client’s choices can become harder to hear. Check whether you are open to an outcome you would not have selected yourself.
Practice a pause in everyday conversations
You can practice this skill in a small way. During a conversation, notice one assumption you are making. Pause, listen to the rest of the explanation and ask a question that allows the other person to describe their perspective. Later, reflect on what you learned that your first impression did not include.
For aspiring coaches, learning to stay curious involves practice with listening, questions and respectful observations. Wainwright Global certification includes 16 hours of live sessions on Zoom or in person. Classes are limited to six students, with morning, evening and weekend classes and a one-on-one option available.
The next time an opinion forms quickly, give yourself a moment before responding. Understanding the person’s reasoning can help you choose a question that serves their thinking and keeps their next step in their hands.
Interested in exploring life coaching? Read the 10 Things book.
